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stage frightthe edges peel off every once in a while;
i stick them back together,
press my thumbs down, say i've fixed it---
but it's peeling, fraying,
sliding apart at the seams;
the blurry edges of my vision make me nervous,
make me shake and worry
(i am marble-cut and resolute,
somehow, i'm okay with sentences like puzzle pieces
"you're not okay"
it's addiction, you know,
"this is love"
is this love?
is this ever going to change?
my symptoms are showing
(stage directions: clench fists and
beat holes in the floorboards;
be careful of the bones, they're thin now,
plaster dust packed in a chalky mess
too brittle to serve as framework anymore,
the knees collapse together, tired lovers
sick of swinging back and forth)
act one, scene one:
i never meant for this to happen,
"i don't love you"
the scenery is bleak and minimal,
the cast is laid along the floor in tombstone rows,
players for the damned,
hissing whispered syllables
canis lupus"all the better to see you with"
your eyes like ankle weights enthralled her---
save the lonely girl,
put her out of her misery
with her own helium kisses
(she likes the dark, it's in her eyes and
you can show her depth---
i dare you)
the devil's in your gaze;
his fingers in your throat, he's watching
(can you feel the knuckles pressing
in your lungs?)
"all the better to
slit your wrists and suck you dry"
all the better to feel your fingers
dancing with the devil's hands---
he loves how you love
the way her fingers taste in your stomach
(she walks like wolves are after her,
you know she knows you're waiting)
don't be foolish
she walks with spiders and talks to trees,
her legs like tendrils reaching through the soil,
she knows this place---
she's heard of you and your teeth,
and her doe eyes see right through you to the
nerves sewn in your cortex,
to the scorpion-tango of instinct and survival
branded across the notches in your backbone;
she's slept in foxhol
spidershe walks with spiders,
marching along baseboard cracks they hide their webs
in the back of her mind, the
cavity behind her throat
they bind her voice in silk
she walks in step
two by eight she knows
how they feed at night she doesn't know
how to live here,
doesn't know secrets
how to starve with class, she pretends she isn't brittle
i pretend she lives there now
she doesn't know me
doesn't know how to smile my name
peeking through the windows of her eyes,
gaps in teeth
how they shiver every day
how they shiver
all the time
how they shiver when she's cold
she's always cold,
my fingers freeze around her wrists
my palms pressed to bones stuck like bear traps
she walks with
legs like spiders,
spindles creaking across floorboards in
carpet tacks she steps around
navigating webs she won't be caught
she walks with them
knows their secret goose steps
she marches with class
two by eight she knows
how they feed
bloodyou're ages older than your namesake;
i hear your bones rattle in your sleep,
shaking in time with old songs
we used to sing together,
but our blood is thin,
frayed ties too tired to tether us together---
you're growing up too fast
(i never knew you,
just the salt-tracks of your tears
cutting down the lines of your faded smile)
we're not perfect, are we? do you
remember when i cried you to sleep?
we played assassin in the halls,
shooting across banisters;
we chased our folded ambition across
welded to our perches, pulling triggers
we buried our secret wars; we
only held hands in pictures,
white flags pinned to our shirt sleeves,
hearts buried with surrender
(our blood is seeping through the
frames on the walls; it's
thinner than ink, we'll be safe
if we keep it inside us)
do you remember when we
sang ourselves to sleep?
we were dissonant and proud with cracking voices;
we never knew lullabies,
just off-key harmonies
splintering their way into the bones
wallsthis house is made of
glass bones and windowpanes---
we're hiding in spectacle; we're
hiding our voices behind crystal sheetrock
("i can't hear you")
i can still see your fingers
skipping beats across your cheekbones
(you paint portraits with fingerprints,
pressing patterns into faces met in dreams)
you're different now,
butterfly turned silkworm with age---
faded monarch, you're no majesty
(you're made of spiders, little legs
linked and stacked---
there are cobwebs in your eyes,
you can only see in dreams)
we're hiding in vacuums and
pressure-treated walls, locked in silence like
we knew what we were doing when we
and started leading fragile lives,
shards of who we were
patching cracks in tempered floors
(we're made of glass and
we sit still for fear of falling)
our lives are printed on the walls,
places where our hands have held us up,
half-remembered journeys around rooms
from before we forgot that we were leaving---
now we'll stay here, now we're trapped
crumbled columnsmars is on his knees waving surrender,
god of war turned timid lover, he is
begging you to look away
(i can't see you like this, i can't
see you splintering---
i should have known you'd
fray at the edges)
don't say those broken words;
save your voice for lullabies
printed in history books
out of tune with comfort--
you're not happy here
i've seen broken
wildernesses struck like piano keys;
the sharp notes resonate through the
branches in my spine;
have you heard about the falling pantheon?
they tumbled through the forest leaving
us alone, we're alone, we're not strong enough for this;
you're not strong enough for this, and
i can't carry you;
save your voice:
don't call for help, there's no one there---
we're alone here
everything is black;
we used to be bright red brushed across night's canvas,
now we're helpless,
now we're running out of words, and ther's nothing left to say,
there's no one here to hear us, so
save your voice
(we can whisper with our withered tongues,
we'll remember o
...Tension, is building between
our bones; cracking
these boundaries that bind
[lets not get lost in the moment
Path of lifeLife is a dangerous path
Full of twists and traps
A path we're forced to walk
Without turning back
We may regret the past
We may regret the mistakes
But we must learn from them
And keep moving on
We may predict the future
And even fear it
But we never know
What happens next
The only thing we have
Is the present, here and now
So let's live it
And forget about the rest
The mistakes of the past
The mysteries of the future
All part of life
This path we all walk
Asabikeshiinh (Filter)Asabikeshiinh (Filter)
I wear the dream snare like a chain.
The willow hoop filled with spider thread,
sway loose as the aves feathers
and the spun yarn traps the fallen.
I tread subconsciousness
like salmon swim
in the falls of Williamette.
And watch the net
take hold of chimera,
a phantasm of phenomena
as I greet the cousin of death
with a firm shake of the hand
and respectful grin.
But wisps of spirits tempestuous
reverberate throughout the lace,
as the new day slowly begins to take shape.
Light returns to Earth as my eyes open.
Conceptions' theories last so long
before absoluteness' presence grabs hold.
I'd rather immerse myself in abstractions.
Big BadI wanted to conquer the whole world, but
all I got was a dark room
and a fistful of dimes.
I remember being sixteen, an
American Spirit burning near my lips,
head out the passenger window
as we sped on like triumph...
You can laugh at the stars
for being so far
away, and it won't cost you
You can blow ash on the grass
and burn holes in the sole
of your shoes,
and it won't cost you
anything but time.
It was those nights
with the cigarettes
and the stars, there was
no promise in it,
no hope either. A big joke
we can all point at, we can
tilt the bottle and laugh.
The yellow half moon
half smiled with us.
The sun those nights
held its head with us.
Life without promise,
one big bad joke
and we were
the god damn punchline.
Winter's GirlI was winter's girl,
frozen under a thick layer of ice.
People tried to break it with their ice picks, but to no avail.
They eventually left me cold and in pieces in my frozen abyss.
You're thawing me out, slowly but surely.
"Summer girls aren't for me, "you say.
"Too full of sick strawberry sweetness."
That was just said to comfort me, but it oddly worked.
Maybe time with you will make me a summer girl,
no more need for thawing,skating with you above my ice.
The Denial Of Truth?Why they
Don't listen to you,
Until it's too late?
Don't believe in you,
Until it's too late?
Start to listen
When it's too late?
Start to believe
When it's too late?
Couldn't listen to you,
When they should have?
Couldn't believe in you,
When they should have?
don't make me say itlook, mom, no hands---
i'm riding waves like hope held high above the water,
i'm being as perfect as i can, and
it could be easier, but i'll show you the
things i can do with dust clouds and rope ladders
watch the sky, mom,
i'm written in the stars,
past the street lamps and the
fourth-of-july flashing lights
(can you see me?)
i promise not to sing like him
i've given up on music and johnny appleseed
and i'm sorry i let him trick me out of religion
i don't want to live forever anymore
i learned my lesson
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